elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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