naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
