Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
