Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
