When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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