Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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