you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
