He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
