Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
