Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
