You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
