you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
