he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
