I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
