its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
