she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
