Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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