He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
