So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
