He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
