Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
