hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
