The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
