I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No subtext here. People are naked.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
