Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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