She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
