i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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