Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my sisters under your porch take her home
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm passing your future prison.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
