Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
