I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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