so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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