There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
