Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Welp...herpes.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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