i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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