i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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