mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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