Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
