Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
