he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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