Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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