he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
