it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
