I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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