I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
