haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
