We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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