I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
