saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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