no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
