I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
